An Open Letter to People Who Hate the Paul McCartney Song “Wonderful Christmastime”
Dear People Who Hate the Paul McCartney Song “Wonderful Christmastime,”
Hi, it’s me. I’m that person who loves the song “Wonderful Christmastime.” What do I mean by “love,” you ask? I don’t mean I find myself accidentally humming along with it while I’m shopping for sherpa-lined sweatpants or driving to a December root canal. No. I mean I listen to it on purpose. I mean I seek it out.
Because you have not replied to my previous letters, I’m brainstorming my own best-guess reasons for your hatred of this song. Before we begin, please understand that hatred is almost always based on one primal, human emotion: fear.
You might fear the Paul McCartney song “Wonderful Christmastime” because you are afraid of being left out of wonderful Christmastime celebrations. These range from ironic ugly sweater bashes to sincere gingerbread-swap scenarios to glittery how-is-she-not-freezing-in-that-sleeveless-dress galas you’ll remember into your twilight years. The joy of not being alone in December!
There is a word for this fear. You are likely unfamiliar with the word itself, though you have long experienced its gnawing insidiousness. The word is “autophobia,” and it means fear of being left alone. (This is what we had before FOMO, and it’s basically the same thing.)
I, in writing this letter, have refused to leave you alone, and I hope the healing can soon begin.
Source: Andrew Meek/mcsweeneys.net
